she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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