I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
