Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
