Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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