pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
