The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
My balls are so social today.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
