Can Purell be used as lube?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
