guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
