I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
