Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
