and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
