It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
