I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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