haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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