Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
