i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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