It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
