I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
