your parents love me but you hate me
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
