we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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