so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
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