i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
