Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
