I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
