you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
