I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
