Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
