yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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