My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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