I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
