I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
