Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Randomize
