The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
