i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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