I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
