How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
