just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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