i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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