The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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