she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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