He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
