I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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