jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
