worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
