I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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