he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
