You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
should my penis look like a turkey
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
