Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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