Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
