They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
