i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Randomize
