no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
