I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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