I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
