careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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