I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
