first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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