she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
