I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
