i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
