Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I need moral support for this bender
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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