i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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