i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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